Where Did Hope Go?

Since the Monday after Thanksgiving, I have sort of been living life in limbo. As most of you know, the Christmas season can get a little crazy and even though I had made grandiose plans for my husband’s 60th birthday and having our family Christmas all on the same weekend, I got sick. Yes, it was the dreaded Covid. I’m not sure I didn’t have the flu too. There went all the planning and expense. To start off I was too sick to care, then I became angry, very angry. How could God allow my mama and me to both be so sick that we needed care? Then here comes the pity party! I felt awful, I was tired, and all of the time and expense I had put out felt wasted. I couldn’t decorate my house for Christmas, I couldn’t finish the special cake I had planned. It didn’t even feel like Christmas at all. Hear all those “I’s”?

It amazes me though how God can use any given moment in time to teach us a lesson. Before I got sick, I was asked to give the Advent message for the first Sunday of Advent. I was so honored to be asked and as soon as I said yes, it was like a lightening bolt hit. I knew exactly what I was supposed to say. I had to write it down as soon as I got home that afternoon. As a matter-of-fact you read most of what I said in yesterdays devotion. Well, less than 24 hours later, I was sick. How easily I forgot all about that very hope I had spoke of!

In the days that followed, it finally hit me that my heart was not in the right place. In other words, I needed an attitude adjustment and I got it… eventually. Where was my Hope? My Hope was right where He has always been, with me, by my side. Jesus was watching over me and my mom. Illness can sometimes change our perspective, but the outcome is the same. My sister was looking after my mom. My husband was looking after me. God provided. There were some “elves” that made delicious deliveries. Sustenance that didn’t come from a drive through. Comfort in a most caring form. Phone calls and texts to check on me. There was my Hope. Hope from friends who would be there if I needed. Hope that I was not so bad as to have to go to the hospital. Daddy always said, “no matter how bad off you are, there is always someone worse.” He was right.

Psalm 39 was a vivid reminder of where my Hope lay and regardless of my personal situation, my thoughts and pity for myself were not pleasing unto the Lord. As I read Psalm 39 over and over, verse 7 kept popping out: “And now O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you." May we find hope and joy in every facet of our existence for where there is Hope, there is love.